The heart of the matter

I write today to offer an explanation from this post.  Beware, it is very long.

The past month or so has been a whirlwind regarding my health.  Actually, I need to back up a little to explain where I am at now.

I was born with a VSD.  So basically all my life, my heart has made a "whooshing" sounds instead of the normal "lub-dub" that a heart should make.  It has never caused a problem or been a concern for me, other than the pre-medication before a dental appt.  (Ehh that's kind of a lie, but for this story's sake, it has always been somewhat benign.  Another day I will talk about my other health problems).

While I lived in Albuquerque, I had the opportunity to participate in a research study that also found a nearly undetectable ASD. However, my heart was still very healthy, and neither of these murmurs caused any problems.

Fast forward to August (of this year), and I went to establish care with an OB/GYN, because Rhett and I were looking to start trying for babies in a few months.  Upon hearing about my cardiac history, she felt that it would be best to be looked over by a cardiologist and have the necessary echocardiogram performed to verify that my heart was healthy enough for pregnancy.

I knew that there would be no change, so I happily made my appointment, battled the Monsoon to make it to said appointment, and plopped down on the table for them to press on my chest with a sonogram machine for 20 minutes.  During this time the tech said things like, "Wow, how come you never had this repaired?  We never see adults with these kinds of murmurs."  And then I start to feel uneasy, concerned that he can see things that may indicate my heart is not as healthy as I had thought.

Well, my fears were confirmed about 5 minutes after the test was over.  The cardiologist came into the exam room, and told me pretty bluntly that my heart pressures were more than double what it was 3 years ago, and that he wanted to send me to a surgeon to talk about repair.  I, of course, start crying, and the conversation continued like this (between sobs of course),
Me:  "What kind of surgery will this mean."
Cardiologist:  "More than likely Open-heart surgery."
M: "What is the recovery time for it"
C:  "About 2-3 months"
M:  "If I lost the 30 lbs I have gained since 3 years ago, will it go back to normal?"
C:  "Probably not"

I left the office a complete mess.  I went in thinking that it would be a run-of-the-mill appointment,   him telling me that everything was fine, but it wouldn't hurt for me to lose some of the extra weight I had packed on.

Well not so much.  obviously...

So I met with the surgeon a week ago (that was the important appointment I had), and he basically said that he thinks I will need the surgery, that it will be open-heart, but I could go back to work after 4-6 weeks, and the full recovery would be 2-3 months.  He also stated that during the operation he could repair both defects and not just the VSD (which was causing all the problems).  As difficult as this was to hear, I felt that God's timing couldn't have been more perfect.  He gave the OB the foresight to have me checked out, which revealed a fixable defect, that would have had the potential to seriously affect me and the baby I may have been carrying.

Pretty incredible huh,  God never ceases to amaze me in the protecting hand He has on my life.

Well the surgeon ultimately wanted me to have a cardiac cath to verify the need for surgery, because sometimes the echo can sometimes be wrong.

I had this done Friday.  And after a brief, drug-induced discussion in the recovery room with the cardiologist, it revealed that my pressures appeared better than they had previously on the echo, but my heart was still shunting blood from the left ventricle to the right ventricle at a rate of 1.46 (if you are confused just remember that your heart SHOULD NOT do this at all).  The actual cut-off point for surgery is 1.50.  So, I am just below the need for surgery.  However, my doctor did say that he would recommend surgery IF I wanted to get pregnant.

And then I passed out in the restroom right before I was discharged.  That was neat.  At least I didn't wind up with a bruise on my face like the last time I fainted.  That is my typical MO.

So that's where I am.  It looks like I will be having surgery, and it will probably be in November (with nothing confirmed yet), because I kind of want to get it over with!

Even after hearing that I will be forever changed through this operation, I feel so incredibly blessed through it all.  I know that through every trial and hardship, there is are reasons why we go through it.  God knows my heart (in more ways than one) and my desires for kids, but He also knew that I wasn't physically and mentally prepared for them, at least not yet. 

Through it all I have felt incredibly fortunate to be surrounded by loving people and many many prayers.  A special thank you goes out to my sweet husband, wonderful family, and all my old, new, and blog friends

I know that most importantly, my heart is in the Ultimate Healer's Hands.

I am qualified to save your life, but...

Yesterday was quite the busy day for me (which isn't saying much since I've been unemployed, if I shower during the day I would almost say that was a busy day)....

Anyhoo, I did like 5 loads of laundry!

I took CPR for the healthcare provider with a great company Eclipse CPR (I would highly recommend them! It only took 2.5 hours and he made it pretty fun!)

Then we picked out our granite for "The Lawrence Mansion" (I promise next week to have a Lawrence Mansion Update.

Then we went to dinner at chipotle, and that's when it all went to hell....

We took my car to dinner, and when we left my car wouldn't start. When this happened I just thought....surely this is just a bad joke...

well folks it wasn't.

But of course I am prepared and I made Rhett go ask some high school kids if they could give us a jump. I whip out my jumper cables (which I am both impressed and thankful that I had) and they help us out. Get our car to start and we happily, but apprehensively make our way back to the apartment. And that's when it all went to a hotter and deeper hell....

The radio started flickering and then BAM my car died....IN TRAFFIC! Besides the whole world hating us, I start to have a mild massive panic attack. All I could think was the fact that we knew NO ONE to call to help us out, nor had I had ever dealt with a car that died on the side of the road. SO of course I call my parents who are in TEXAS while we are in ARIZONA, so much to my dismay, they couldn't help us out. Then, mid FREAK OUT I thought maybe we should call Progressive and see if they could get us a tow, so I bawled on the phone until some poor guy had to deal with me and get a tow truck on the way.

In the mean time, all these people are honking at us....like we can do anything by ourselves about it! GEEZ So I'm flipping out, Rhett is concerned that 1. I am going to EXPLODE, 2. what the heck we need to do to get out of our traffic.

One of the funny parts to this whole story is that there was a car that kept honking at us who was directly behind my car. So I just got more upset, well Rhett got out of the car, walked to her car with this huge smile on his face, she refused to roll down the window at first and he nicely explained what was happening, I even think he asked if she wanted to help us instead of just honking (ok I don't think he asked her this, he may have just explained what was happening, but it really adds to the story). My husband rocks!

Well some folks finally stopped and helped us move the car into a busier street that fortunately had a bike/bus lane (which we didn't realize until then) and I started feeling a little better!

LONG story short, my battery was 3 years old and just plain decided to die. It was about time to be replaced and yesterday was the day it wanted to get replaced! Thank you Pep Boys, random Tucson kids, and tow truck guy, you are all my heroes!

So note to everyone if someone is stranded in traffic, don't just honk and get angry....help a brother or sister out....you never know when it could be you at the mercy of a random stranger!

In conclusion....

I may be qualified to save your life.....

but I can't save your car.

I will just sit there and do this....

Oh how I miss that Baby Kate!

or this....

but in all reality like 10 times worse than these pictures....this is just all I could find on google images!

Thank God for my husband, my parents, those random guys, tow truck guy, Progresssive, and Pep Boys....as much as I couldn't fathom it yesterday, it could have been so much worse....